ODE TO A FOODIE GIRL.
Food. It is an integral part of life. Without it, we die, with too much of it… we can also die. But today’s blog is not about that. It is about my addiction to certain foods and how something extraordinary has happened over the past month.
First… Pizza. I am from the northern suburbs of Chicago, so pizza has been part of my life since birth. Granted, I wasn’t eating pizza then, but the unmistakable aroma was there. Throughout my life, when I catch a whiff of that alluring scent, I must have it. In college, I think I ordered and ate pizza at least three times per week. This is my number one favorite food on the planet. It reminds me of home and has provided me with the highest satisfaction and comfort I can imagine.
Second… Cheesecake. I grew up watching the Golden Girls, and the cheesecake was always a go-to when times were tough… or not tough. It was the perfect ending to a meal. While I didn’t have it every day, I thoroughly enjoyed it when I did. That thick and creamy texture with a hint of sweetness… yum.
Third… Fried foods… specifically French fries. Even more specifically, Mcdonald's French fries. How can you not stop to get some… right? I would order a happy meal with double fries because I believed it wasn’t that bad. But they are. So very bad, yet so very good at the same time. And don’t get me started on the bonus fries at the bottom of the bag… when I would find them, I was flooded with euphoria.
That’s the thing. I’m a food addict, and that euphoria is real. The first bite is where it’s at, and the rest will never be as good as that first bite. Yet I found myself chasing the flavor until every last bite was gone. Food addiction is very similar to drug addiction in this regard. This is why what happened to me a month before surgery is so incredible.
I have been in therapy since 2020; I have worked on myself, come out of the closet, put the trauma to rest, etc. But I couldn’t close the door on the food addiction. I couldn’t find my way out of the flavor haze long enough to live a healthy life. I was stuck chasing that euphoria that was associated with the first bite. Flash forward several years to my first visit with the bariatric surgeon, and something started to change.
Okay, it didn’t change right away. At first, I was on the “Tour De France” of cuisines. I wanted to say goodbye to all the food. That was until I received the surgery date about one month ago. That was the moment something incredible happened. I started to disconnect from the euphoria. Try as I might, nothing tasted as good as it did before. I tried pizza, cheesecake, fried foods, hamburgers, bbq, everything! But nothing hit right. I started to care less about food. Don’t get me wrong, I still tried to capture that euphoria, but I stopped trying this past week after having an epiphany. My last link to the trauma was food; now, that crutch is disappearing.
I would not have been ready for this ten years ago, but today I am. However, I do feel that if I didn’t have the surgery, I would eventually fall back into the old habits, so the tool is a fantastic motivator. I am so overly ready to live life. At my heaviest, approximately 344 lbs, my joints ached so bad. Everything hurt, and my energy was depleted. I still worked full-time, went to school full-time time, and have been a volunteer on my condo board, but I had no energy for anything else. I struggled with taking my dog around the block… though I did. The pain is the reason I chose to have this surgery. I can’t justify punishing myself any longer, and I need to break this cycle. I need a chance to recapture a healthy lifestyle, and nothing else worked. While part of me wishes I had made this decision sooner, I don’t feel I would have been successful until now. Over the past month, I have lost 13 pounds, and I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me. The pictures below were taken yesterday… Fupa and all.
I've posted modeling pictures from when my hair was long, but I've never allowed myself to be truly vulnerable and post angles that are not flattering. So this is me at 328 two days before my surgery. (ps I had the surgery today and will post about this experience shorty)
